


Dear Perfect

by marxingi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Forbidden Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 07:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11754819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marxingi/pseuds/marxingi
Summary: Jongdae is nothing but an artist who secretly admires a prince and writes love poems to him with the smallest hope lingering in his heart that this love will be returned.





	Dear Perfect

His name was Kim Jongdae, although he was not typically a well-known person - everyone in the kingdom was familiar with him and his job. Because of his hard work, the castle was filled with beautiful music almost all the time. It was said that there was no man or woman that didn't enjoy his music.

Writing songs was what everybody believed his main activity of the day is, but ever since Jongdae arrived in the castle, he started writing poetry more and more - specifically love poems.

It was as if his entire day was structured just so he could write beautiful words down onto a piece of paper and put them all together to design a sentence.

But, although his words were beautiful and always full of meaning, there was one thing Jongdae could never describe with words, and that was the prince. He would constantly try to come up with the perfect poem, using the prettiest words he knew to create the perfect description of the prince. He figured that was sort of impossible, as he believed that such words do not exist. Words that could exactly measure the prince's beauty and charisma.

That's why most of his poems and songs were secretly for the prince, because Jongdae was fascinated by him.

Baekhyun was the name; it was a name that Jongdae never used in his writings - in case somebody ever read them. The musician kept most of those to himself, but still - just in case, the prince's name was never mentioned, not even once. Instead, he searched for the best alternative to replace Baekhyun's name, and the only solution he could come up with was 'perfect'.

Even though they never actually met – Baekhyun is Jongdae's inspiration, his muse. He is the one thing he doesn't lose ideas to write about. So whenever the prince is in sight, he would write down every word that comes into his head and then create a poem out of the same.

He always keeps a distance from him as well – watching him from afar while he writes down everything he's being reminded of from that sight.

Later that night, he edited his poem for a while before proofreading it once more.

Perfect, no one else is like it,  
than our sun – brighter,  
more mysterious than the moon above,  
you, perfect,  
like the most beautiful spring flower, perfect.

He rolls the paper and ties the middle in a bow before staring out of the window of his tiny room – looking at the night sky. He lets out a long sigh and looks at the candle in front of him that began to flicker. He started to wonder if he should ever dare to make a move.

But who was he? He could never actually steal attention from Baekhyun, the emperor's son - it sounds like a wild dream to Jongdae. It sounds impossible, yet so easy. Yes, they've never spoken before but, Jongdae sometimes felt like the prince is aware of him when they're both outside in the garden. He believed to have caught the prince's eyes gazing back at him for a moment, and all of that made the musician's heart sing and his talented fingers reach for paper and ink so he can let his feelings out.

So he gets up from his wooden chair and leaves his room. It was a blurry moment when he decided to cross the line and give his poem to the prince – indirectly, of course.

The castle was partly awake and Jongdae easily found one of the main servants that he had faith in.

He handed him the poem that was in a form of a letter and said: "Could you please deliver this to the prince?"

The servant took the letter, nodding his head and giving Jongdae a little, friendly smile: "Of course." – he replies and then asks: "Something private?' to which Jongdae replies with: "Well, just a song." even though he knew the servant pretty well by now and he knew that he would never open someone else's letter, he still felt like telling the real truth would get him into trouble.

The next morning, Jongdae is eager for some sort of reaction, and he sees the prince standing on the balcony of his room. He's looking down at some of the workers and he locks eyes with Jongdae as well.

The artist bows to him, hoping that Baekhyun read his poem. Yet, Baekhyun gives no sign whether or not he read it. It made Jongdae question his action, thinking that maybe it was useless of trying to make contact with somebody like the prince himself. The same day, Baekhyun rides the kingdom's most beautiful white horse through the fields of grass. It was something he often did, but this time Jongdae felt sparks of inspiration kicking in and he finds himself taking out a piece of paper and writing a brand new poem for him.

Perfect, you,  
this light that spreads shamelessly over wild meadows,  
if only you knew how it sparkles and shines,  
so much that the sun complains yet timidly surrenders,  
allowing you to rule warmth on land.

He sends that poem to Baekhyun through the main servant later that evening and once again – he receives no reply of any sorts.

Slightly disappointed, Jongdae just wonders why?

A single thought of giving up appears but he sees the prince in the garden full of flowers the next day, so he stands behind a bush and secretly watches him admiring some of the flowers.

The sight leaves him captivated somehow, almost dazed – and Jongdae wants to write again, forgetting the fact that the prince is somewhat already ignoring two of his letters.

He takes a seat and opens the little jar of ink he carries with himself everywhere, then he starts to write.

You, perfect,  
when through kingdom's most beautiful flowers you glide,  
they bow down to you,  
flattered of your beauty,  
so irreplaceable and high.

He searches for the same servant once more and asks if the prince has received the letters, to which he says that he has, probably.

"Probably?" – Jongdae asks in confusion and the servant is quiet for a moment, as if he doesn't know what to say, but then he goes: "Well, I did pass it to the guards in front of his room..."

Jongdae is sad that night and stays outside, alone, playing a slow-paced song on his violin. It was a song he made for the prince, and it often filled the night air, so people in the castle all knew that it was their musician, Jongdae – once again playing his sad, romantic song. He glances at the balcony of Baekhyun's room and he starts crying silently, his heart wishing he was there. It was as if Baekhyun recognized the melody that he got out on his balcony.

And Jongdae then looks at him; tears have stopped forming in his eyes as he watches the prince looking up at the sky full of stars. He then sighs slowly and lowers his view onto the musician, with his hands on the fence.

Jongdae continues the song, not skipping a single note as he stands up – looking at the prince. His heart beats faster because the prince is watching him too.

They keep on looking at each other's eyes and when Jongdae finishes the song after a few moments, he looks down – bowing to Baekhyun. After that, he looks up at him and Baekhyun gives him a sweet smile. He leaves a couple of seconds later, getting back into his room. But, Jongdae is happy, he runs back to his little room and leaves his violin on the bed, searching for clear paper under his desk.

He still doesn't know how Baekhyun feels, but he cannot erase that beautiful smile out of his mind. His heart flutters as the thinks that maybe Baekhyun has read everything he'd sent up till now. He takes a seat and lights the candle that is placed on the left side of his desk, and then begins writing.

Perfect, you,  
only one with priceless beauty,  
most wonderful sight of my day,  
clear like waters hidden deep in the mountains – untouched,  
that ends thirst of men that for you burn, perfect.

The lovely smile he got from before makes him feel better and braver, so he sends this one as well. He thinks that, maybe Baekhyun needs more proof of his feelings, so that's why he only gave out a sign today.

He feels joyful the next morning and he plays a bright song for everyone in the castle to enjoy. Baekhyun arrives there as well and he stands a few meters away from Jongdae, and Jongdae thinks they've never stood this close before. He watches Jongdae play the violin, and when Jongdae's play ends –  he sits on the grass beside some of the children from the castle. They were children of the people that worked there.

He starts telling them stories and other short fairtytales and the children listen with lots of interest. But, they are not the only ones who are listening –  Jongdae stands on the side as well, with his back against the wall. He's close enough just so he can hear what Baekhyun is saying.

Grabbing a piece of paper, the said artist writes just how much he loves Baekhyun's voice.

You, with limitless perfection,  
voice soft and gentle, warm,  
I can stand like this for hours to come, perfect, you,  
listening to all words you say,  
even birds from distant forests are in awe,  
wishing they could sound magical – as well.

When he arrives at the servant’s room, he gets informed that the king has given him a job: compose and write a song for one of the princesses’ marriage.

And even when Jongdae’s busy with working on that – he isn’t stopped from writing about the prince’s beauty. He’s also given some pretty strange looks from some of the maids that work there – but he ignores them.

He thinks they’re probably just interested in what the musician had come up with.

The next day he goes to the open meadows. He finds nature calming and peaceful, so he should be able to focus there more. He sits down under the shadow of a tree and relaxes, starting to get inspired to create music for the big wedding.

Humming out loud the tune formed in his head, he writes down the notes.

His concentration vanishes when Baekhyun runs into the field with his horse.

Not being able to help it at all, Jongdae takes out a new piece of paper and starts filling it with words that come to his mind as he watches the prince.

Perfect, you appear in front of me like the sweetest dream,  
while through meadows you run – wind blows locks of your hair,  
and so my hand just begins writing, while my heart,  
my heart gone crazy from love, begs for a reply,  
once again I write to you, perfect,  
be mine.

He adds more of his feelings into every next poem he writes, and the more he does – a part of his heart aches in pain. He desires an answer so bad.

The prince has left for the forests and Jongdae goes back to the castle when the sun slowly begins to descend. He sighs, feeling a bit lovesick as days go on.

He ties the poem in a roll and heads to the servant’s room. He doesn’t look for his most trustworthy servant, because he comes to him on his own and he looks quite mad. It makes the artist a bit worried but he remains calmed either way.

“Are you still writing to him?” – He asks.

Jongdae looks down at the letter and nods his head before looking up at the man in front of him. “Listen, I advise you not to write anymore.” – The servant says to him quietly.

But Jongdae doesn’t feel like giving up anymore when he’s already come so far. He’s stubborn and asks the letter to be sent. In the end, it does.

The same night, Jongdae feels that sleep will arrive later on – so he’s outside, under the night sky. This time, the moon is high up and shines down the kingdom. Jongdae fills his lungs with fresh air and begins to play the same song as before – the one he plays when he’s sad and longing for the prince.

After a few moments, Baekhyun does get out on the balcony and the two of them look at each other. Jongdae thinks he can see sorrow in the prince’s eyes and his heart skips a beat. He feels like Baekhyun desires him back, so he stands up from his chair and adds slightly more emotion to the song.

Then, Baekhyun gets called from somebody behind, so he frowns and goes back in the room, leaving the artist alone in his thoughts.

He starts writing a couple of minutes later in the silence. He feels pain as he expresses more love into it.

Be it sickness or season, it would’ve passed,  
but this feeling never leaves my heart,  
I become breathless as I think of you, perfect,  
desire keeps filling my heart,  
I want you more and more,  
I want you, like this, poor.

When he’s done, he immediately runs to the servants, but this time the main servant pulls him aside and warns him that he could get caught if he keeps on sending letters to the prince that often.

“I will send this one in, but please do not send any for some time after this.” – He tells Jongdae.

Days pass and there is no sign of the prince and Jongdae drowns in pain.

He goes through sleepless nights until he gets up after a few days and starts writing for the first time in what seemed forever. His hand is shaking slightly as he puts the emotions he’s feeling into words.

Irreplaceable, perfect, you,  
I fall sick in my bed,  
longing desperately for your dark eyes to look at mine,  
in a hot kiss I desire your lips,  
wanting to always hold your hands,  
worshipping everything that is you,  
if I could, only if I could.

He tosses and turns for some time in his bed, and when dreamland rejects him completely – he gets up again.

I don’t know how to cope with pain,  
if I’m losing my mind or if my heart may stop,  
I don’t know,  
if an incurable sickness has filled my lungs,  
or if God has decided to play around,  
I don’t know,  
the only thing I do, though,  
is that I want you and nothing more.

That night is no luck for the young artist, he feels tired and sick as he lies in his bed. Millions of questions pop in his head as his body begs for sleep, but he can’t seem to let in. He decides that enough really might be enough.

Getting up for the last time that night, he sits on his chair and lights his overused candle once more. He lets out a long sigh and writes the poem that he himself marks as last.

There’s no more after this one, he keeps repeating that in his head, this shall be his final one.

Perfect, you,  
unreachable and high,  
for an answer, I wait,  
any type, so my heart is at a rest,  
give me a sign,  
that you love me back – say it,  
or if you want a stop – I’ll do it,  
never shall I write again,  
nor mention the word love.

He's sending all three wrapped together a couple of days later, only to get rejected. "No more, Kim Jongdae! – The servant says. He's earned amused looks from some of the maids. 

"Please, this is the last one! I promise!" – Jongdae begs. 

He promises he is never writing again.

The servant warned him one last time: "I swear, if you write him another one, I shall involve the king!" 

The next three days pass as if nothing had happened. Jongdae seems to act fine throughout the day, but long after the sun sets – he starts to cry himself to sleep. He wants to escape and one night he decides to do so. 

He decides to leave. To go find another job; any job as long as he doesn't stay here. 

He sleeps that night – dreaming of his perfect prince, dreaming of kissing him. After finishing the wedding song the next day, Jongdae passes it to the king, informing him that his job is well done. 

Some of the workers inside the castle are giving him weird looks again but the artist doesn't think too much about it, too ocupied with his own thoughts. 

At the end of that day, he is looking outside the window of his little room, sighing sadly and planning his departure – he wants to leave tomorrow. 

Suddenly, there is a knock on his door and his heart beats excitedly. 

He opens the door and sees a maid, she's holding a letter in her hands. 

"It's for you." – The woman whispers. Jongdae takes it from her hands, his own are shaking in fear. He feels unstable on his feet. 

He wonders, who would send a letter to him at this hour? Could it be? 

He wastes no time and closes the door after thanking the maid. His heart is beating fast so he needs a few moments in the silence before he could open it and read it. When he finally does – he loses his breath in a matter of seconds. 

Dear Jongdae,

the love you feel, I feel it too,

I want to be yours, and I want you mine, 

So meet me by the river at midnight. 

Yours forever, Baekhyun. 

The artist now jumps from joy and happiness, he reads the letter over and over again, not believing his eyes. He thinks of the prince and their meetup, he thinks of every word he will say and he feels like his heart might explode. It is a true dream come true. 

He goes secretly in the night after getting ready. He's holding a torch in one and the letter in his other hand. 

After he surpasses the woods – he reaches the path towards the river. He imagines Baekhyun already standing there and he adds himself kissing him on the lips and holding him in his arms. 

Baekhyun isn't there yet, so Jongdae waits for him. 

There is a sound of a horse getting closer and Jongdae soon spots Baekhyun's horse going this way. He smiles, but then notices that the man riding the white horse isn't the prince. His smile fades when he figures the unknown man as a soldier dressed in his armor. The soldier then stopped the horse and got off of it soon after. 

It is when he removes a sword that Jongdae widens his eyes in shock and backs away slightly. He is scared. 

"The emperor's order." – Jongdae heard the soldier say. 

"Where is the prince? I have his letter!" – He replies back loudly, he's worried for himself and for Baekhyun. 

The soldier walks towards him slowly and says: "The letter is fake." 

Jongdae feels like his world is collapsing down in front of him, his chest is full of pain, anger and disappointment as he finally learns the entire truth. "Am I being executed?" – He asks the soldier who places a hand on his shoulder and says: "Yes, you are."

The air around the young artist feels cold and dry when the long sword pierces through his stomach. He closes his eyes as he accepts it all. He accepts the fact that Baekhyun never loved him back and that this is what the king had in mind for once he found out. 

He falls to his knees when the soldier pulls out his sword and blood starts rushing out of his mouth. He feel another stab coming in an through him – this time in his chest. 

He drops the letter on the ground when he falls to the side slowly. "May God have mercy on your soul." – The soldier murmured before pushing his body into the river, letting it carry it far away. 

"Burn all of the letters!" – Ordered the king. 

The main servant that stood beside the king, gave out the letters to the soldier and then watched as they were set into flames. 

They destroyed what they've thought was evidence of the musician's act of love towards a member of the royal family, which was very forbidden. 

But, those were copies, rewritten by the servant himself when he heard that the emperor ordered execution of the musician. The originals though, are kept in his own room – hidden. 

When the castle is quiet and asleep, the guilty servant personally goes to the prince and hands out a wooden box filled with all of the poems he had kept. 

"These are for you, Your Highness." – He says and explains the awful fate of the artist. 

The prince is soon left alone – on the ground in the middle of the room. He's reading every poem and crying with all his heart for the man that he loved back. He hugs the pieces of paper and drowns in sorrow and pain because of his unfufilled love. 

He cries out his name and lies his body on the side when he starts to hear the same melody that Jongdae used to play.

But, he is not there, he's never there anymore yet Baekhyun could hear it playing every night after the tragic event. 

And when he would ask if there's another musician that plays the same song at night, people answer that only Jongdae knew that song. 

Because he composed it on his own for the only person he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> well... another angst. if you cried, i'm so sorry DON'T KILL ME ;; i will try to work on my happy ending skills lmao. thanks for taking the time to read baekchen angst and HAVING THE HEART TO DO SO, you're really brave ❤


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